she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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