On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
