I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
