she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
