she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
