I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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