Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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