Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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