I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
