I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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