hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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