so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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