my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
