oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
