Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
3pm strippers are depressing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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