Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
