I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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