Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
one might say we're banned from that church
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
