oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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