I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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