I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
