i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
