My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
