remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
