I could make wine with my vomit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
