: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
