I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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