So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
