i love accidental penises.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
