Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
