she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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