He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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