Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
