dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
