need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
