last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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