when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
