I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
