yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
