When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
