I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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