i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I would fuck him just for his dog
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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