he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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