If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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