I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
