you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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