I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
