The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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