I got chris browned last night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
