you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
