Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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