1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there was a trapeze. enough said
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am naked and annoyed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
