I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
