I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
