i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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