Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
