when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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