we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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