Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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