Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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