Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
