Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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