You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
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I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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